I have to admit I never really considered motherhood as a rewarding path that I would want to follow (motherhood was for those domestic women who didn’t value career, purpose and success). ‘Feminist self ‘ circa 1995-2000 believed in career and, if I had kids, my career would go on and that would be that! Boy was she not as smart as she thought she was! She had no idea what success and purpose was really about.
I sometimes want to blame others for not telling me that the duty of motherhood is one that so heavily pulls on the heart and soul that it, to some extent, brings you to your knees. I wish someone told me that all your ideas about womanhood, identity, career, love, etc, all are scrambled and reformed the minute that little warm, beautiful, needy baby is put into your arms. Couldn’t someone have told me that purpose in life is born right along with your baby?
I know, however, I wouldn’t have believed them. I am not sure anyone can really ‘get it’ if they haven’t been there. And, perhaps, there are moms out there who can keep their career and life on track and still be able to sit at her desk without her stomach hurting because she misses that little smile so much. I wish I didn’t have to work. I have moved up steadily in my career. My job is rewarding and validating, but I don’t want to be there everyday, and I hate that there are moms all over the world in the same position. Did the feminists really mean for this to happen? Or did we all get the message wrong?
Purpose and success, at this point, are raising my amazing imperfect little daughter into a happy, healthy human being. I have grown as a feminist and therefore have a message from my new, improved ‘feminist self’ — success, purpose, womanhood is about being true to who you are and knowing that the feminine ideal is individualized, everchanging, growing, and a gift.