Last night I made the executive decision (following an unexpected cancellation of all of my other plans this weekend) to head down to my dad’s house for the day Saturday. My two-year-old girl will have the pleasure of accompanying me on this trip which is an hour and three-quarters each way. My husband often works weekends so I have to bring her along. Yes, I must be “trippin.”
Now dad is pretty functional at this point but definitely needs weekly support, and we are slowly working on getting him more (not that he thinks he needs it). My brother goes down A LOT and I do not, so GUILT has taken a nice firm seat on my shoulder. I have guilt that I do not do more and guilt that I do not want to do more!!
Will there be some moments of fun? Perhaps. We will go to the pool and be able to run around outside if the weather permits, but mostly I see it as work. “People” always tell me just to enjoy the time with my dad. I get that, but I really don’t think “people” understand the emotional toll of spending time with someone who really is not that person. In his presence, I am constantly reminded of the loss we are all experiencing. My dad’s mood swings are draining and it takes such energy to wisely choose every word you say so as not to upset them but to also get your point across.
Soooo, I know avoiding him is not the answer and it isn’t even an option. I must/we must keep supporting him. There really is no way to make this easier — unless I really was “trippin?” But, alas, I don’t believe in the use of illegal drugs… but perhaps if they make some legal??