Monday Monday
Monday Monday (Photo credit: soonerpa)

I hesitate to write a lot when I am in a “bad space” mentally/emotionally.  I never want to be a complainer or a victim or seem as if I am looking for pity.  I am not writing for attention or to vent but, when 90% of your posts are depressing, I feel that my posts can bring people down or become, well, annoying.  In the past I explained my hope to use humor to not be such a life-sucker, but lately humor isn’t even possible for me!  So, I have not even written a word here.

I wonder how I keep my head above water in weeks like this one.  My husband pointed out to me that “at least we aren’t that family on the corner of X and Y that were evicted and have all of their stuff on the street corner.”  Yes, that would be bad.  But, at some level, I might prefer that because then at least I have some control — I could see why this happened and work on a solution. The grass is always slightly less dead on the other side of the fence?

To summarize my week and not go into lengthy complaints, I will overview my week in a short list:

1.  Last Thursday my daughter’s pediatrician referred me to get her tested for Cystic Fibrosis.  They are worried about her small size/lack of growth/respiratory problems.  This has thrown my world upside-down. Test is tomorrow…results by Friday, I hope. Hopefully not CF, but we still have to figure out what is going on.

2. My dad is very depressed.  Brother called Monday to have me call him to do a suicide assessment (not my brother’s words but I am therapist so that is my clinical, easy explanation).  He denied intention or a plan, but that doesn’t take away from the awfulness of this situation.

3.  Oh yeah, I am five months pregnant.  Which is an awesome thing!!  Just hate the stress I am feeling and worry about it’s effects on my baby.

I can’t make my daughter healthy and I can’t make my father happy.  I am in the trenches with them and doing the best I can.  I know life could be a lot worse. I am lucky to have a good job, and wonderful family and friends, and a roof over my head, and I am healthy.  Yay.


2 thoughts on “yay.

  1. My heart aches for you and your family. I am so, so sorry to hear about the medical problems with your daughter. And your dad…

    I understand your trepidation about blogging such unhappy news and sadness. I have struggled with that myself but in the end I know that writing about at least some of my pain is therapeutic. I keep the pure awfulness close to my heart for fear of scaring away my readers (that and I just can’t share that corner of my life). If it is helpful to you then write, either publicly here or somewhere more private.

    And as for #3 a huge congratulations to you. You are nurturing a new and beautiful soul and that is something that is truly amazing.

    You are in my thoughts.

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